Sometimes you can be doing all the right things, and God still feels far. I talked a little bit about this in my previous post, but what do you do when you can't hear His voice? What do you do when you're seeking Him, praying, and studying His word, but His presence is undetectable?
I've been walking through this lately, and it's been really hard. I used to be so confident in my ability to recognize the Lord's voice and presence in my life, but now, my anxiety and mind seem to be spinning so much that it's been a struggle. I wish I had the answer to solve this problem, to make Him feel a little less far, but that's not my job.
That was Jesus' job.
He was the one who closed the gap, who lessened the distance between all of broken humanity and the holy, holy Almighty God. He promises to never leave or forsake us because His blood was the perfect sacrifice to cover all of our sins and mistakes. And because we believe that His death was enough, we can have confidence that He is still with us, still protecting and loving us, even when we don't feel Him there.
I know, though, that that truth doesn't always make it any easier. And to be honest, sometimes nothing will make it easier. But for me, as I've been walking through this, I've learned how vital it is that I am continuously and intentionally filling my mind with Scripture and with prayer. Even when God doesn't feel near, I cannot stop seeking Him, or else I will give the devil a foothold in my mind. I cannot allow my emotions to pull me away from the Father when this might be an opportunity to experience Him with even more intimacy.
Practically, what does this mean?
To be completely transparent - for me, it looks like pouring my heart out to God. Whether verbally or through journaling, I'm often dumping everything on my mind at the feet of Jesus and giving it all to Him. This isn't a pretty process, but it's brought so much healing and a little bit of peace in the midst of chaos. It's my way of pushing through the lie that "God isn't there" or "God doesn't care" and still purposefully telling Him what I'm struggling with. It's messy and vulnerable, on my knees and crying out to the Father while my heart feels so broken. But it opens the door for a conversation, a moment of intimacy, and it draws me back to the core of what I believe: that God is good, even when I don't understand, He hears me, and He cares about me.
But no matter what, these seasons of what feels like silence are perhaps the most IMPORTANT times for us to keep pressing into the Lord and pursuing Him. It is now that can "make or break" our faith. It's meant to strengthen us and refine us, but we have the choice to either surrender and walk faithfully through the fire or resist the struggle. We have to keep reading our Bibles, praying, showing up in Christian community and with the Lord. If we do, we'll walk out of this season stronger and closer with the Lord, but if we don't, the hurt may just overwhelm us.
I say this from experience, though. I've shared my testimony on the blog before, which you can read completely here, but in middle school I walked through a season of consuming depression and anxiety. It almost broke me. I stopped praying and reading my Bible, because it all felt like too much. By the grace of God I made it out of that season with Him carrying me, but a couple years later I experienced another major heartbreak. I almost gave up on everything, but I kept clinging to the fact that the Lord has brought me through the fire before and He can do it again. And with that mindset, He radically transformed my faith, and I honestly became a new me.
That's what I'm clinging to now. Even when I don't feel God, even when I don't hear His voice, even when my heart is aching, He is still working behind the scenes, and one day, I'll see how it all was used for my good and His glory - if only I keep clinging to the hem of His garmet.
A thought that has continually been running through my mind the past couple of weeks is that diamonds have to be put through fire before they can sparkle, and in the same way, we have to be put through fire before we can radiate the character of Christ. And if God is allowing us to walk through the fire, it's because He sees something priceless in us that we can't see yet. That doesn't necessarily make it easier, but it brings purpose to what we're going through and a reason to keep clinging to Jesus.
So, I do it all anyways. I keep reading my Bible, every night. I keep praying, I keep calling out to the Lord with no words or tears streaming down my face. I keep worshipping, even if I don't have the strength to raise my hands. I keep believing, even with faith as small as a mustard seed. I do it all, even when I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel and I can't hear the voice of God. I do it anyways, because the blessing and transformation that is coming is so much greater than what I'm currently walking through, and I want to be around to experience it.
Please, keep holding onto faith. Keep showing up, every day, because I want you to be around to see what the Lord has right around the corner for you. I want you to experience the blessing and the healing that He has planned for your life, and even though it doesn't feel like it right now, it will come in His perfect timing and it will be beyond your wildest prayers. He will speak life into you, and He will reveal His presence to you again. It's coming, sweet friend.
If you're struggling to hear from the Lord, if you're going through the motions and it feels like the Lord has left, I promise that He has not abandoned you. I promise that He is still covering you in His love and mercy, even if it doesn't feel like it. He is faithful and constant, always and forever. Keep showing up, keep praying, keep diving into Scripture and seeking the Lord, because He will show up again. It probably won't be in the way you imagine, but it will be better, and He's going to make mountains move in your life.
What do you do when you can't hear the Lord's voice? What helps you hold onto hope? Let me know down in the comments below, I love to hear from you!
Comentários