I've been pretty transparent on the blog about how difficult this season has been for me, including my struggling prayer life. But, with that being said, I feel like I have finally hit a tiny breakthrough and I'm praising God for that. It's not easy, but the words have slowly started coming back to me, and I'm learning new strategies to push through into the presence of God even when I'm overwhelmed by anxiety and defeat.
James 1:2-4 says "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." And then verse six says "Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love Him."
When we struggle in our faith, when we wrestle with God, that is evidence that God is actively pruning and sharpening our faith. He is preparing us for something greater that is to come. Scripture is so full of analogies comparing our faith journey to a race, and that hits so close to home for me. These trials may feel like an uphill battle, but Christ is right on the sidelines, cheering me on, and even picking me up and carrying me when I stumble. My Heavenly Father is my coach, challenging me but not breaking me, because He knows there is purpose to the pain I am facing right now, and that it will make me a stronger athlete (or Christian). He pushes me because He knows He can take me so much farther if I just surrender to the process.
So when I feel defeated in this hard season, I'm trying to approach it as I would when I approach a hard workout. I have to fuel up, rest up, and ultimately, lean on my coaches when I'm hurting. I can't just stop running mid-season (we'll pretend injuries and wheelchairs aren't a thing in our faith journey), so I have to find strategies to stay on course with the Holy Spirit.
For me, I have to stay clinging to prayer, even when it's not easy. I have to hold onto the hem of Christ's garment, and I can only do that if I stay connected to Him. But, as we all know, sometimes praying is hard, especially when you feel like God isn't listening or you've been praying the same prayers over and over again. So, here's what I've begun practicing:
1.Speaking Scripture out loud.
Sometimes we don't need to find our own words to pray because there is a GIANT book available to us, filled with stories and prayers of every situation and emotion. If you feel it, you can find it in the Bible, and not only in the Psalms either. There have been nights when all I can do is read the verses out loud as my prayer and cry to the Lord, but it most often fills up my soul and connects me to Jesus. By doing this, we are speaking truth and life over ourselves, and that is such a powerful weapon.
2. Writing out Scripture.
Bouncing off of strategy number 1, one of my favorite things to do lately is write out verses that hit extra close to home. In my prayer notebook, I have sections that I call my "toolbox", specific verses for specific struggles or emotions that I'm facing. For example, I have my "toolbox for anxiety" or "toolbox for shame" or "toolbox for waiting on God". Writing out these verses not only cements them even more in my mind, but they are also so powerful to refer back to when I don't know where to turn in my Bible or in prayer.
3. Turning on the worship music.
I get it, when I'm sad or anxious, one of the last things I want to do is listen to worship music. I don't feel like praising God, and I'd rather wallow in my emotions with more sad music. BUT, friends, that's not good for our soul, and it's only going to give the enemy more leverage. There's a time and place, but I'm learning that there is power to turning on worship music, even softly, and filling our mind with reminders of the Father's faithfulness. I've discovered many, many songs that have resonated so deeply with my sadness yet still pointed me to Jesus, and that is so encouraging to me.
4. Go outside!
I am learning that sometimes what our spirit needs most is to just be still in God's creation, get some fresh air and sunshine. This has filled my cup up so many times and has offered some beautiful opportunities to connect with the Father. Even if I just sit in my backyard, with my Bible beside me, for less than 10 minutes, I always leave feeling refreshed and a little bit closer to Jesus. There have been times when it leads to a worship dance party, excited and upbeat, and others where I just have a little bit more peace, but either way, it's a victory and a moment with God that I'm so grateful for.
Prayer is what keeps us abiding in Jesus, holding onto His hand and leaning into His presence when we feel like it the least. It's not always easy, but every time we pursue Jesus regardless of our feelings, we deny the devil power and get to experience the peace and freedom that Jesus bought for us. Sometimes we have to get creative with how we push through our emotions, but it is always worth it in the end. I am so grateful for the Father's loving kindness and patience with me as He teaches me how to keep chasing after Him even when it feels like I can't go any further. God is good, friends. and His faithfulness is evident in both the big ways and the same ways.
How are you practicing prayer even when you don't feel like it? What is God teaching you in this season? Let me know down in the comments below!
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