A few weeks ago I took my youngest brother to the park, and we found a nice spot by the pond and read. He pulled out his book, I pulled out my Bible, and we just soaked in the sunshine and warm weather. At one point, I put down my Bible and closed my eyes and let the moment wash over me. The sound of the water, the feeling of the sun on my skin, the peace of the quiet - it all was so beautiful. This moment was one I wanted to savor, and then keep coming back to, again and again this summer, because the stillness brought so much solitude and calmness to my continuously running mind.
In that place, I just talked to Jesus about the things on my heart. The response from my Father wasn't loud, but it was a gentle peace - peace that reminded me that everything was going to work out, that there was purpose in each moment and that God is doing something big behind the scenes.
After I moved on from that moment, that personal moment with the Lord, I've noticed myself resisting the stillness. Which seems odd, because I cherished the time at the park so much, but I knew that if I sat in the stillness for too long, I'd be faced with some big emotions and very real struggles that I didn't want to wrestle with. I didn't stop praying (in fact, I've been praying more than ever), but I haven't exactly been intentional about stopping to listen to the Lord and settle in the uncomfortable silence of all the very vulnerable, very big things going on in my heart.
The doubts, the fears in my heart are honestly pretty unfamiliar, and it's difficult for me to articulate these things I'm working through, even in prayer to the One who knows everything, but that's honestly why the stillness is such a blessing.
When I accept that sometimes it's going to be uncomfortable, I realize that in the stillness, there is an intimacy with my Father, Counselor, and Helper. In that place, I experience firsthand the peace that comes with knowing that the Holy Spirit is advocating for me and praying for me when I don't have the words. I offer up all I am and everything I'm dealing with in surrender, and there is such freedom in that. It's like someone is gently lifting the weight off your shoulders, and you don't have to have it all figured out or put together, because the Creator of the universe has a perfect plan in mind specifically for you and your situation.
In the stillness, the rawness of the hard things that are weighing on me is met with such a sweet love that comforts me beyond anything anyone on this earth could do or say to me. In the stillness, there is a quiet joy that rises up in me, one that's not loud or bold, but a quiet joy that carries me through the hard days and reminds me of the beauty in every moment, in every difficulty, and in every trial.
In the stillness, I accept and embrace that if all I have is Jesus, that is way more than I deserve.
You see, our world is so loud. Every day, we are moving and being busy and constantly thinking about everything that we have to do, everything that is to come, and everything that everyone else is telling us. And it gets to be a lot. Naturally, our minds shift towards the "problems" or hard things, because we are all fixers and we all hate being in a difficult situation or trial. We want to fix whatever that thing is and then move on, so that we don't have to deal with it anymore. Those problems or hard things are typically the more obvious thing for us to put our focus on.
But in the stillness, the noise of the world can no longer distract us, and we are reminded of our Father's priorities - intimacy and healing and growth with Him and in His presence. We are reminded of the smaller, sometimes less obvious, blessings and beautiful things. We are reminded of the bigger picture, where our momentary hardships are not forever, are nothing but a blip in the grand scheme of things, and that our God has a miraculous breakthrough waiting for us.
And I don't know about you, but for me, that feels like a giant relief, like a huge breath of fresh air.
I'll be honest with you guys; some days, the stillness is harder to sit in than others. We're all humans, and the silence mixed with a large amount of raw feelings is uncomfortable for most of us, especially when we're sitting at the feet of a perfect God. But no matter how hard it is, no matter how many tears are shed, and no matter how much I try to resist it - I always walk away feeling more at peace and closer to the Lord when I embrace the uncomfy and realness and just surrender it to Him. And I have a feeling that you will experience the same thing too, because I know that we serve a God who is more than happy to meet us right where we're at.
And if I'm being even more honest, this post didn't exactly go in the direction I thought it would go. I wanted it to be more lighthearted and upbeat, but this is the reality of what the Lord is teaching me right now. The hard days and difficulty praying is very real, and so is the resistance to meeting the Father in that place. I don't know what in your life might be causing that for you, but I do know that if you take a step of faith and embrace the uncomfy and rest at the feet of Jesus, He will wrap His arms around you and meet you with more love than you could have ever imagined. I know this because I have experienced this, time and time again.
It is my prayer that this post encouraged you in some way! If it did, or if you have another tidbit of wisdom or encouragement to share, I would love to hear down in the comments below! It truly means the world to me when I get to hear from you guys.
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