Some days during my Bible study, I am so focused. I am 100% ready to be with the Lord, dive into Scripture more than ever before, and complete my routine perfectly. I'm passionate and all in, no distractions.
Most days, however, I struggle a bit more. I'm antsy and scatterbrained, thinking of all the things that need to be done, or simply processing things that have already happened. I'm distracted by a million things, and to be honest, I'm not completely present with the Lord. I want to get through the routine, read my chapter, take the notes, and move on.
But that's not what Bible study is meant to be.
It's meant to be communing with God, spending time with Him, not just from a distance. It's about growth and vulnerability and intimacy, not checking off the boxes.
So lately, when I catch myself beginning to rush and mutter the "sorry Jesus, I'm a bit off today" prayer, I've noticed the Lord whispering to my heart, "it's okay, you can be here for a moment." I feel the invitation to stop, in this place, crazy emotions and thoughts and all, and simply bring it to Jesus. Without pretending, without hurrying, without stressing about getting through whatever I had planned for that Bible study. I pause and talk to Jesus about the things on my heart, minor and major, earthly and heavenly, temporary and eternal. I take the time to listen to His thoughts and what He's speaking to me in this place of raw honesty, because it can't be any other way with Jesus. I halt what I'm doing and I go deep into why I'm feeling a certain way, instead of what I'm feeling, because I don't need to rant, I need to heal. I slow down long enough and hear from God Himself that I don't have to fix this situation, because I can just be in this moment.
That's another thing I've been catching myself doing. I'll say, "God, just tell me how to fix this. I don't know how to [move on, fix it, be better, succeed, etc]". And He quietly reminds me that I don't need to solve everything, because that's a hidden, subtle way I try to take control and shove down instead of processing. He invites me to sit in the unknown, unsolved, unfixed situations and lean on Him and His grace instead of my own logic, to-do lists, and lacking wisdom. I am allowed, no, encouraged, to not have it all together at the feet of Jesus because that's actually where the growth, faith, and healing begin.
It's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable to talk to a perfect God about my imperfections and struggles, because we've been trained to keep it all together. It's uncomfortable to sit in some of these emotions and thoughts, although necessary, because in a world of hustle we've been forced to keep moving instead of being still and in the moment.
It's uncomfortable, but it's a beautiful, vital place to be.
It's in the raw, unplanned, unscheduled moments with Jesus that change our hearts and shift our perspectives. It's in those moments that we are encouraged, challenged, and transformed. It's in those moments that healing can truly take place, because we aren't manipulating, controlling, or scheduling it.
I truly believe that sometimes, we need a reminder that our relationship with Jesus is just that - a relationship. It doesn't have to be perfect or put together. If you and your friends are hanging out, would you be upset if you took a detour to go get some ice cream? No! In the same way, when you're spending time with Jesus, don't be afraid to stray from the routine and preconceived ideas of "time with Jesus", because you may just realize that sometimes, those "detours" are the best places to be.
So the next time you feel distracted, overwhelmed, or simply not excited during your Bible study, pause. Be in that moment. Lay it down at the feet of Jesus, and slow down long enough to listen to what He has to say. Let's not try so hard to get through the chapter and check the boxes, but instead embrace the unplanned, vulnerable places with the Lord that He's inviting us into. Let's throw aside the Instagram aesthetics and begin remembering that it's okay to not have it all together, to not have the answers, and to trust God in that.
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