This past weekend I raced my very first 5k in over a year, and it was an amazing experience. I had such a great crowd of supporters and teammates, and I was so incredibly thankful that I was able to run and run well. I raced on the course that was my last race before I was in a wheelchair, and it was important for me to kick butt and run my heart out. As I was warming up, there were a few things that I wanted to say to the blog, as an encouragement and documentation of how far God has brought me.
The last time I was at this particular course, Cessna, I was in a wheelchair at Regionals, watching my team compete. The time before that was my last race before being diagnosed with stress fractures. I thought it was my last everything. My last run. My last race. My last time being cheered on and being a true part of the team. My last time on two legs for a while, for goodness sakes.
Coming back was important to me. Changing the script of defeat and injury to determination and growth was important to me. I wanted to show up and run for the glory of God, through His strength, and prove to myself that I could do it and be proud of myself again.
And if I’m being honest, this journey and this past year has been so difficult. There are times when it makes me want to pull away from God, and others where I just feel so much nearer. It’s been emotional and hard and painful, but this race coming back felt like closure. I am no longer defined by my injuries. It’s not holding me back. I am capable and I am strong and I am loved. God is for me and He is with me, and it is only because of Him that I could race.
As I was approaching the race, my belly was filled with anxiety and nerves. This was literally the farthest I have ran in an entire year and there was so much emotion racing again, at this race. And then I prayed with my boyfriend, and at the start line, my nervousness began to fade. I looked forward to the 3.1 miles ahead of me because I’ve been longing for this moment for literally an entire year. I reminded myself of how important it is to enjoy this and celebrate every moment, even the moments where I want to quit and it feels like my legs might fall off, or where I can’t see straight because I’m so dizzy. As I ran, my face lit up at my loved ones on the side line and my heart was overjoyed by the many people who supported me throughout the day and throughout the year. I signed “J-E-S-U-S” in ASL because it is only through Christ that I made it back to this start line, didn’t roll all the way down those hills, and crossed the finish.
At the end of the day, I ran a 25:47, placing 24 out of 94 in the JV race. And I could not be happier. (I know, comparatively, the time isn't spectacular. But it was right around where I wanted to be after not racing a 5k in a year, so I was thrilled.)
The day felt so celebratory, like such redemption. I am so thankful for that race and that I am able to run again. I'm so proud of how far I've come and the journey that has brought me here. I am praising God for strengthening me and allowing me to race. And I'm excited about what is to come.
This race reminded me of why I love running. Even when it was hard and my legs felt like bricks, I intentionally focused on enjoying it. Racing was so fun and the feeling of satisfaction afterwards was even better. I'm excited to continue running and soaking up every step. I can't wait to keep getting stronger, keep building my endurance, and cherish the fact that I am finally able to do the sport I love (even if it does have to look a little different).
This past year has been such a culmination of many highs and even more lows. There were moments I thought I'd never be able to run again, moments filled with frustration and defeat. But to have raced my very first 5k in a year brings so much closure and redemption. Not all hope has been lost, and my story isn't over. God is still good and He is still working, even when I can't always see it. The promise and the comeback is on its way, if we just keep holding onto faith and believing God for it. At the end of the day, running doesn't mean anything if I'm not giving it back to God, and that's what I want to be intentional about through the rest of my senior season.
