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Over this series talking about what biblical love looks like, we've talked about the Greek word "eros", which is a sexual, romantic kind of love, and "storge", which is the love shared between family. This has been such a fruitful series as we uncover God's design for love, and it continues on today!
Today, we're going to be diving into the Greek word "philia", pronounced "FILL-ee-uh". It refers to a love shared within a friendship, but also can be used when talking about love and care given between neighbors. Close friends demonstrate this generous, affectionate love as they work towards the good of the other person.
In culture today, this kind of friendship feels hard to find. Friendships are more often surface level than deep and vulnerable, casual acquaintances instead of sisters (or brothers) in Christ. Or, people are scarred by abandonment and hurt from past relationships, making it difficult to connect. And with the busyness of everyone's schedules, prioritizing time for intentional conversations feels nearly impossible. It can be hard.
In 1st Samuel 18, we read about a friendship that truly glorified God - despite the sacrifices they had to make.
"After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.....And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself." - 1 Samuel 18:1,3
David and Jonathan had a very special relationship. They were often protecting each other's lives, and supporting each other in moments of deep sorrow and grief. They truly looked out for the good of the other person, even when it meant making sacrifices or jeopardizing other relationships that could have led to success or promotion. Jonathan was Saul's son, next in line for the throne. Saul had it out for David, who was anointed by God to become the next king. They were both aiming for the throne, yet they weren't in competition with each other - they remained selfless and kind, never letting pride or selfishness get in the way of a true friendship that glorified the Lord.
The thing these two men had that made them so different was they shared a heart for the Father. David and Jonathan bonded over their shared faith, and pursued the Lord together. As Christians, this should be the most important quality that we look for in a friend. While we definitely should not exclude non-believers, our closest inner circle should be made up of people who are on fire for Jesus, hearts and lives sold out to Him. Those kinds of friendships, rooted in the Lord, honor the Lord and are refreshing to our Spirit. David and Jonathan were loyal to each other, with the main mission of their friendship being to glorify God, not personal gain.
The Hebrew equivalent for the Greek word "philia" is found in Proverbs 17:17, which says, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversary." A biblical friendship is supportive and forgiving, gentle and full of grace. You can walk through the dark, challenging seasons with the kind of friend, because they prayerfully stand by your side, faithful and consistent.
In Proverbs 27:6 it says, "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." In a trusted, Christian friendship, we can accept and welcome their conviction, listening to understand when they gently point out ways that we may be sinning or straying from the Lord. A philia friendship should be a safe place for correction and learning, even if it's temporarily uncomfortable or even painful, because it leads to growth. Again, in verse 17, it says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Our friendships should build us up, be encouraging and empowering, and overall push us closer to the Lord. A biblical friendship will not pull you away from God or encourage sin.
If you're like me, you're probably thinking what you should do about all of this. It's nice to know what a biblical friendship looks like, but it can be harder to put into action when we're surrounded by people who don't love the Lord, or who claim to love the Lord but whose life does not reflect it. It's still something that I'm figuring out alongside you, but I've created a list of a few things that we can practically do to take steps towards building a Jesus loving Christian community.
PRAY! The truth is, we can only find the friendships we're longing for if we bring that desire at the foot of the cross and ask the Lord to help us. He will open the right doors and close the wrong ones, and He will make it happen in His will and timing. He desires holy friendships for us, too.
Dwell with God. We have to first be filled by the Father before we can expect to pour into others. As we grow in our relationship with God, He will help us be content and prepare us to be a biblical friend. And, He may just surprise us when we see someone running beside us just as fast in the same direction.
Initiate. This can be scary, but try to be the first one to reach out, begin the conversation, or invite to hang out. Ask for prayer requests or what they're learning in their Bible study. You never know where these conversations may lead. If you do have friends around you, be the one who takes the conversations a little deeper and shifts towards Christ.
Try to get plugged into a youth group. Again, this can be hard if the Christians at your youth group are more of Sunday-Wednesday Christians, but it's a good place to start. Be vulnerable during small group, keep the conversation on track, and try to meet new people. It can also be super beneficial to connect with the leaders there. They can lead and encourage you in your faith when it's harder to build those relationships with kids your age.
Be consistent. Don't give up reaching out, going to church/youth group, or praying. Keep following the Lord's guidance, but make it a priority to surround yourself with like-minded Christians. (Hebrews 10:24-25)
Speak words of life over those around you. Even if you feel like other people aren't pouring into you right now, be intentional about being filled with the Holy Spirit and then be an encouraging friend to someone else. You never know who might need it, or how God might use it.
The Greek word "philia" refers to the kind of love shared between close friends, and while it's an easy subject to understand, it can be harder to live out. As I wrap this post up, can I just pray over you and us real quick?
Father, You know how close to my heart this subject of friendship is, and thank You for hearing all of my prayers. Thank You for giving us so many examples of biblical, godly friendships in Your Word. Thank You for being the best, true friend I could ever need. I pray over myself and those reading this post right now Father, that You would open our eyes to the opportunities You have placed in our path to build friendships and community that honors You. Open the doors to the right people and close the doors to the wrong ones, and give us discernment over who to invest in. I'm believing this year we are going to see Your hand all over our friendships, and I thank You for that Father. I love You, and I praise You, amen!
Where are you at in your journey in friendships? What has God taught you along the way? Let me know in the comments below!
PS: I learned all about this right alongside you! Here are the sources I used to support my research:
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