Life Update - what God has been teaching me lately through a breakup

This is a post that I never thought I'd be writing, and especially right now. But here we are.

At the end of October, Ayden and I broke up. (We broke up on good terms, though. I still care about him, and even though it was time for us to go our separate ways, nothing extremely major happened that required us to break up.)

I don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable sharing the backstory behind it on the blog, but after a few weeks of processing, praying, and healing, I feel ready to share what God has been doing in my life and teaching me since we broke up.

In the past few weeks, I have experienced some of the worst pain in my entire life. I've been learning how to be myself; I've been re-learning how to be independent. I've been learning how to release the future I envisioned for myself and was counting on (and that's been really, really hard). But in the past few weeks, I have also experienced firsthand the freedom, peace, and joy that only comes from Christ. I have drawn closer to Him than I have in a while, and I've found a community of people who love and support me, who fight for me in prayer. Worship has a new meaning to me now.

If you are hurting right now, for whatever reason, I want you to know that our God is still good. Even in the pain, He is present. He is faithful, and He is right by your side. I know you may not feel that way right now, and that's okay. For the first few days after the breakup, I couldn't pray. God felt oh-so far. But please continue to lean into His strength, through prayer, worship, and reading Scripture. Continue relying on Him, because we can't heal alone. The only way we can truly heal and experience genuine freedom is by the strength of God.

I wish I could describe to you about the freedom and the peace that God wants to pour over you, sweet friend. In the midst of the pain and the hurt and the confusion, God is good. I promise you. It's unexplainable, but it's a peace and a freedom that can simply only be explained by God. I pray that each and every person is able to experience this joy that comes from knowing God. This joy that comes from knowing God intimately in the pain and hardships of this life.

But I didn't get to experience this freedom, joy, and peace until I surrendered. The first few days after the breakup, I was drowning in tears and pain because I had my fists closed tight over the things I thought I had, over the things I thought I wanted. I was gripping so tight to the future I had planned out for myself and for Ayden, and I was gripping onto our past together. Holding on so tightly made it impossible to heal, and it made it impossible for me to draw near to God.

So one night, during my Bible study, I realized I had to let it go. I had to release it to the Lord and surrender it all, or else I was going to be stuck in the pit of sorrow and sadness and despair forever.

Once I surrendered, everything changed. I was still sad, and I still missed him, but it didn't consume me. I was able to pray and hear God again. I started being able to eat more and stop crying until I gagged. I began to act more like myself, and people started noticing. People started noticing that I'm happier. All because I laid it down before Jesus.

When you lay it down and give it to God, there might not be such a sudden, dramatic change in your life. I don't think it works the same for everyone, but I do know that it makes such a difference in our lives. When we surrender whatever we're holding onto, it is such a vulnerable, intimate thing to do with Christ, and it is then that He can really start healing and working in us.

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To the girls out there - there's so much I wish I could talk to you about. I wish I could give you a great big hug and share with you all the things I've learned in the past few weeks. But since I can't, I want you to know that you are enough without a boyfriend. I was so worried that after breaking up with Ayden, I wouldn't be able to be myself again. I was afraid to be without him. But as I'm moving on this healing journey, I've realized that Ayden didn't complete me. Christ alone completes me, and He's the only guy who can ever complete you too.

Whether you're in a relationship or not, constantly be praying and asking God for guidance. Let Him show you the non-negotables and how to take steps forward. He alone knows what's best for you, so trust Him with that. Even if it means letting go of the love you had, the future you wanted, or a vision you had, I promise you - God has something way better in store. Just let Him show you.

And I cannot stress how important it is to keep a good community of people around you. I would not have been able to do any of this without the amazing family, friends, and coaches that God has put in my life. I would not have been convicted and challenged about the situation I was in with Ayden if it weren't for one of my best friends who was brave enough to talk to me about it. I would not have made it one night without the prayer and hugs from my parents, my friends, my science teacher, and my team. I truly didn't realize how many people I had behind my back until the breakup, and it really opened my eyes to how much God has blessed me. And not only that, but even though I lost Ayden, one of my best friends, I didn't lose my whole world or my whole community because I had other relationships while we were dating.

To those of you working through a breakup - I know what you're going through. I get it. I know that there are so many feelings right now, and that's okay. Allow yourself to feel those feelings, but don't sit in them for too long. God has so many good plans for you, my sweet friend, and He has an amazing future in store for you. Trust in that. I know it hurts right now, but the more you lean into Jesus, the more peace and freedom He will pour into your life.

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I truly still can't believe that we've broken up, but I am so thankful for all that God is doing in my life and for all that He's blessed me with. It is my prayer that my story has been able to encourage you about who God is, and challenge you to keep trusting and surrendering to Him. Because it is so worth it.

If you have any prayer requests, please, please, please let me know in the comments below! I would love to pray alongside you and encourage you in that. Or, if you have any lessons/encouragement you've learned from past breakups, drop those in the comments down below as well. I'd love to hear it. :)