As I was wrapping up my Bible study one night, I glanced over at my prayer wall and began to feel guilty for not using it in a while. It was an insane blessing for a season, but I haven't even sat down to pray in my little corner in who knows how long. And then I began thinking about the prayer box, and how I haven't touched that in even longer. And then I thought about my prayer notebook, and how I'm getting back into it, but it looks differently than what I thought it would when I started it.
This is real, y'all. I feel guilty for not staying consistent with these tools that I spent so much time praying over and was so excited about in the beginning. They were sparks that didn't last in the long term, but the more I reflected, the more I was encouraged.
First off, each of these tools were incredible to help me connect with God in new and unique ways. They are personal to me and I can still use them! Think about date night with your SO or girls night with your friends. You probably don't do the same thing every time, but in some seasons, some activities may fit better into your schedule or your relationship. You may enjoy some outings more than others, and then they fade out. The same is with our relationship with God. In some seasons, we may need certain things to connect with Him, while in others, we may need something totally different. It's good and important and even fun to try out new ways to experience the Lord's presence and communicate with Him, and it's okay if some things simply don't work every single night.
I also felt this overwhelming wave of grace. God doesn't ask for a strictly planned routine to meet with Him, He just wants me. I don't think He really cares how we go about it, as long as we bring our hearts genuinely to Him. Whether we have a guided Bible study with fancy pens or just our brains and a Bible, He is so pleased to spend quality time with us. It doesn't matter if I kneel in front of my prayer wall or lay on my bed as long as I'm talking with Jesus.
The whole point is to be with God, and this may be a hot take, but maybe we should stop trying to force our Bible studies so much and just let Him meet us where we are. Maybe we don't need to pull together a coordinated, thoughtful routine and instead just let the Holy Spirit lead our time with the Lord instead. Maybe every day should look different, because that means that we're intentionally interacting with the Father and inviting Him into our constantly changing struggles and emotions. Maybe that would mean that we are present instead of floating through our pre-planned Scripture reading and prayer prompts.
This is quite the revelation for a planner like myself, and I'm not even positive that this is making sense, but it's an encouragement to my heart.
Because here's the thing, friends.
God is good and He is kind. He is not going to get mad at you for needing to adjust your time with Him because your heart is hurting a little more and your schedule is getting a little fuller. He's not going to condemn you for switching your Bible study or changing the tools you use to pray. God isn't upset if you stop journaling, stop taking fancy notes, or stop reciting the prayer you thought you were supposed to pray.
He just wants you. He just wants to spend time with you. We serve a God who is loving and thoughtful and the greatest desire of His heart is to be near you. Luckily for us, His Holy Spirit resides in us if we have invited Him in, but He just wants us to be present with that Spirit. It's not about getting the routine right or regular, as long as we are showing up every day with a heart posture open to hear and interact with Him.
Isn't that freeing?
And perhaps, if we let go of our grip on the regimented routine a bit, we may be allowing more space for God to teach us and speak to us more personally and intimately. We may find that we are able to experience God in new ways because we're allowing our time with Him to be a little more natural, a bit more spontaneous. Perhaps, we open the door for deeper transformation and communion, because we actually give Him room to move. Just a thought.
I'm so grateful for this, and I am overwhelmed by peace. I'm praising God for being so kind and gentle to my ever changing human nature and teenage girl self, and that His heart is to just be with me. Isn't that amazing? The Almighty God wants to spend time with me, even if it is a bit messy and varies as the seasons vary. Thank You Jesus for that!
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