I'm about ready to burst some bubbles, but this post has been one that's been on my heart a lot lately.
Sweet girl, please stop idolizing that boy.
You are enough without his approval or affirmations.
I know the desire to be loved, to have that dream guy and the dream relationship. I know the desire to be pursued and cherished, to feel like a princess. I know the desire for a godly, pure relationship, one that is filled with prayer and Scripture and the Lord's guidance. I know.
This has been such a journey for me, one that I feel I am not done with yet. This has been a struggle that I've fought with the Lord on, but He has brought so much clarity and peace to my heart that I want to share with all my girls out there - no matter your relationship status.
This season that you are in, especially in your singleness, has such immense purpose. The Lord has put you here for a reason, and I'm telling you, you're not going to want to miss it. I know the desire in your heart for a relationship, and that time will come, but there is a transformation waiting to happen in your heart as preparation for that day, for that answered prayer. God has shown me so clearly the intentions HE has with my heart while I am sold out to Him and not another man. In this place, He wants to build my faith, my ministry, my community, and so much more in a way that He could only do if I was solely focused on Him. And just as He has so much waiting for me in this season, He has so much waiting for you too.
I want you to know that that boy will not fulfill you. He will not satisfy you and he will not make you whole. He will not increase your value or worthiness of being loved. He is not the end all, be all. I promise.
Christ does all of that, and more.
Christ is the one who fulfills you. He will sustain you and He will make you whole. He gives you a new identity, one that defines you as loved and worthy, cherished and desired by God Almighty. He is, in fact, the end all be all, because one day, we will stand face to face with Him in eternity.
He has done too much for us to fall back on a boy for love, affection, and affirmation.
He died so that we didn't need a boy for love, affection, and affirmation.
So, sweet friend, if you have your eyes set on a boy, if you have your heart set on a relationship, give it to God. That in and of itself is not a sin, but I know how easy it is to fall into this idolatry where that desire consumes you, where it seems like it's the end, like it's all that matters. I've faced this idolatry, and it's not pretty, nor does it give God any glory or credit. And I'm telling you, when that boy fails you, it will feel like the end of the world. Because you've put all of your worth, your value, your confidence, your dreams in this one person, and that is bound to end in heartbreak.
The only time it doesn't end in heartbreak is when you put all of your worth, value, confidence, and dreams in Jesus. That's the only exception.
You are worth enough in Jesus to not need a boy. Between you and Jesus, you are complete. You are enough! In God's eyes, a relationship isn't about two halves creating a whole, but two whole people, rooted in Him, coming together to do kingdom work. And one day, if He ordains it, two whole people unite into one, honoring Him in the middle of it all. A boy cannot increase your worth. Trust me.
I don't know how to say it enough in enough different ways, but it is so important to me that you know that Jesus is enough to sustain and fulfill you. That hole in your heart that you think is going to be filled once a boy falls in love with you? It will never, ever be filled by another person because it was only designed to be filled by Jesus. It will never be enough.
Jesus is the only one who will ever be enough. He is more than enough.
And when you become confident and secure in your identity in Christ, when you allow Jesus to be enough, when you take your eyes off of that boy and onto Jesus, that hole in your heart will be filled. You will recognize your value as a gift because of Christ's blood. He will satisfy you fully, and you will walk in whatever He is calling you to walk in right now. You will experience peace, joy, and freedom that surpasses anything a boy could bring you, but that's only found in Jesus.
And more than likely, once you've found that in Jesus, the Lord will one day reveal to you the special person that He created to walk alongside you in your faith and ministry. He will open your eyes to a special someone - the one He's been preparing for you while He's been preparing you - who will exceed all expectations, be an answered prayers, and most of all, honor Jesus. There will be peace upon peace, because you won't be searching for anything in this person when you've already found all of that in Jesus, but instead the person that God has chosen for you to love and serve Him alongside.
You see, it all builds upon itself.
But it all starts with surrendering that idol of a boy and relationship and believing that the Lord will sustain you, will be more than enough to take the place of that boy.
One more thing - if you tell me that you can "fix him"...girl, I promise you, you can't. The Lord is the only one who can fix anyone, and although I have not heard His voice on your behalf, I'm pretty sure that He doesn't need you as a vessel to help His fixing. Do not put that pressure on yourself to fix someone into your vision of the perfect guy. It will not work, and it will only end in more heartbreak than necessary.
I heard once that you shouldn't date potential, and I want that to settle in you. If this guy isn't a person that the Lord has given you a green light on, checking off the boxes with his faith and character, then I don't think you should wait around to fix him or for him to change. Unless God has given you specific instructions (which I 100% believe in and have experienced), I don't think that you should give your heart to potential when you could have reality.
This post was a tough one! This topic of singleness and dating is one that has been on my heart, and the Lord has taught me so much within it. I'm so thankful for the clarity and truth that He has covered me in, and it is so important to me that you understand your value and identity outside of any boy or relationship. It is my prayer that you would stand secure in who Christ has made you to be before rushing into a relationship without His approval.
What aspect of singleness or dating are you struggling with as a Christian girl? Has the Lord taught you anything that has transformed your perspective on singleness? Let me know down in the comments below; I'd love to offer encouragement or receive encouragement from your story!
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