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As we enter into February, I'm excited to begin a four week series on the blog talking about what biblical love looks like. The world has distorted many things, including what love was truly designed to be, and I want to dissect the truth with you. Within this series, we're going to be talking about the four Greek words for love, where it shows up in Scripture, and how we can practically live out the kind of love that God designed us to.
For the first post in our series, we're going to be diving into the Greek word "eros" (pronounced AIR-os). This word is used to describe sexual love or arousal between people who are physically attracted to each other. We get the English word "erotic" from this Greek term, and was used to name the Greek god of love, which the Romans called Cupid.
Our world has normalized this kind of love in so many ways that God never designed for it to be. Culture as a whole generally defines love as sex or physical attraction, but not within the safe space and covenant of marriage. Sleeping around and moving in with your partner before getting married is the norm, even encouraged in some situations! The line of physical purity is blurred and pushed constantly, and it's becoming unusual to protect and guard our hearts by creating physical boundaries within our relationship.
God designed Eros love to be shared between a husband and a wife within the marriage covenant. God designed us to have these feelings and desires, but not to be indulged in before we get married because without the covenant protecting us, our hearts are vulnerable and exposed to severe heartbreak. In the very beginning of Genesis, chapter 2 verses 23 and 24 says, "The man [Adam] said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman', for she was taken out of man.' That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."
Sex is so powerful that it unites two partners to become one flesh, and that is such a special gift. It is meant to be enjoyed and celebrated between a married couple, binding them together and strengthening their relationship. In fact, in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul encourages those are married to not withhold from having sex except if you mutually agree on it to devote yourselves to prayer for a time. He reminds the church that sex is a gift, and singleness is as well, but it was not God's design to have both at the same time.
Proverbs 5:15-20 remind us that it is also important to share that covenant with one person. God did not create sex to be causally shared between multiple people, depending on who you're with at the time. In verse 17, it says "Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers." There must be faithfulness and trust within a sexual relationship, and that means guarding yourself until you get married. God didn't design it that way to prevent us from "having fun" or just to create more rules, but because He knows the hurt and pain that sex before marriage can cause, and He wants us to experience this gift to its fullest.
There's an entire book in the Bible dedicated to eros love, and that is Songs of Songs (or Songs of Solomon, depending on your Bible). It describes the reality of physical attraction to someone you love, how strong it can be, but the treasure of waiting until marriage. The two partners describe how much they admire and long for the other, and the man celebrates how his partner is "a garden locked up....a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain" (Songs of Songs 4:12). The right person for you will cherish how you have protected yourself until fully devoting yourself to one person, and they will help support your relationship by creating boundaries so that you can wait together. Chapter 2 verse 7 says, "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires", reminding us to wait and guard our hearts until the time has come that God designed to fully awaken and experience physical love.
It's pretty easy to understand that we're not supposed to have sex before marriage. But what about everything else? How far is too far? These questions have been asked by Christians since the beginning of time, and I definitely do not have all the answers, nor is there a one size fits all answer, but there are a few things that may help you discern what God is leading you and your relationship to do.
If you're in a relationship, take some time with your partner to pray over your hearts and your boundaries together. Ask the Lord to direct you and reveal what boundaries will best protect your hearts. Koa and I think about our heart postures often, and if the posture of our heart is one that is pure, selfless, and worshipful, or if it's lustful and selfish. We desire for every touch or act of love to be one of love and praising God for the other person, not a touch to fulfill the feelings we have. There's not a hard line that I can tell you is too far, but it's one that you have to prayerfully discern for yourself, with the help of the Lord. He will guide you as to what can help you stay pure and worshipful. And friend, when you come to our loving Father with a heart genuinely desiring to stay pure and protect your relationship, He is so proud of you, and He wants to celebrate that commitment with you.
I will caution you: do not create boundaries just to create rules for yourselves. If your heart is not truly aligned with the Father, with a real commitment to purity, then your boundaries will do nothing for your relationship. Our flesh loves to find sneaky ways to sin, and you have to be on guard for that.
If you're single, there are still ways for you to practically remain pure while you wait for your husband or wife. Colossians 3:5 says "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, and greed, which is idolatry." The Greek word for "sexual immorality" in this verse is "porneia", which is where we get our English word pornography. It essentially means any "illicit sexual activity", which is a very broad description of any activity that focuses sexual desire on anyone or anything other than your married partner. While our world has normalized and celebrated activities such as pornography, masterbation, lust, homosexuality, impure conversations, sexting, reading graphic books, watching sexual movies, and listening to music that promotes sex, we as Christians need to step back, examine our habits and our hearts, and commit to removing anything that is not pure or bring our hearts closer to the Lord. Whether you're in a relationship or not, we need to prayerfully and repentantly surrender ourselves to the Lord and choose to follow His plan for purity.
What happens if you've fallen into temptation? Is all hope lost for you?
NO!
The enemy would love to convince you that you're too far gone, that God is mad at you, and that you might as well just continue in the same behavior because you've already done it. He wants you to believe that you could never be pure again, but that is simply not the truth. Our Father is such a gracious, forgiving Father, and He loves you so very much. He meets you with such grace, and He's so glad that you want to return to Him.
Colossians 2:13-15 says, "When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross." Jesus has taken your sins, canceling them and mailing them to the cross. He has overcome every mistake, every failure on the cross, and they no longer define you. God declares that you are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) and He's celebrating your heart that has turned back to Him. Christ's blood now presents you as holy before the Lord, without blemish and free from accusation (Colossians 1:22). You are clean, my friend, and you are forgiven.
God designed eros love, this sexual love, to be shared between man and wife, married partners, under the protected covenant. It is truly a beautiful gift, but it can be dangerous if "awakened" before its proper time. It is my prayer that this post spoke the grace-filled truth of the purpose of eros love, the importance of protecting it, and practical ways that we can live out this kind of love. The most important thing for Christians to do when thinking about eros love is to pray and invite the Lord to convict our hearts of ways that we have not honored His design for this love, and guide us to how we can live in a pure and holy way. The Lord is so kind to us, and He offers abundant grace, but we have to accept His invitation and lay it all before Him.
Did you learn anything new from this post? Do you have any prayer requests that I can join you in bringing before the Lord? Let me know in the comments below!
PS: I learned all about this right alongside you! Here are the sources I used to support my research:
NIV Bible translation
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