A few weeks ago, I published a post about qualities that us girls need to look for in a guy before we get in a relationship, but I also think it's important that we take a step back and reflect on ourselves before we commit to another person. Sometimes the problem isn't them, but it's actually us. A godly relationship is two ways, and if we aren't ready to be a holy, intentional contributor, then the relationship won't work.

While I have a few points that I hope challenge you, I highly encourage you to take the time to talk to God about this. Whether you're already in a relationship or you're not, create space to receive God's word on areas that you need to work on, as well as areas that you are following His will in. This can be uncomfortable, to allow yourself to be vulnerable and convicted by the Holy Spirit, but it can produce such fruit in your life.

With that being said, I have a few qualities that are important before getting in a relationship that the Lord has convicted me about, and I'm excited to share them with you! Also, while this post was written with the focus of romantic relationships, it absolutely applies to all relationships, so there is something for everyone to take away.

You have to be secure in your relationship with God.

Just like it's a nonnegotiable for your partner to have a secure relationship with the Lord, separate from you, it's a nonnegotiable for you to be rooted and grounded in your faith. If God isn't on the throne of your heart, your everything, it becomes way too easy to fall into idolatry and unhealthy habits within your relationship. When you are truly following Christ, His direction and conviction becomes of top priority to you, and that is essential when navigating relationships. Without God, nothing will succeed, and you're going to need Him for strength, wisdom, and protection.

How do you know if you're in a good spot in your faith before getting in a relationship? There's no checklist that you have to meet all the criteria, and you will never be in the perfect, most ideal, healthy and flawless position to enter a relationship. But, it is important to make sure that you are consistently meeting with the Lord on your own, praying and renewing your mind with Scripture, allowing the Holy Spirit to prune sin out of your life, and prioritizing Christian community.

You should be ready to invest in and sacrifice for your partner.

Relationships are all about sacrifice, no matter whether it's between husband and wife, parents and child, or friends. If you're getting into a relationship for what you can receive or what the other person will give you, then you're getting into it for the wrong reasons. There are so many moments when you have to make sacrifices and put your partner above yourself. Your relationship should not be difficult, but it does take effort and intentionality to invest in each other. This is an area that you have to nurture and fight for every day, and it won't survive (let alone thrive), if you aren't prepared to make those sacrifices.

Every relationship is different, but this may look like:

• learning how to love your partner in their love language, even if it's uncomfortable for you

• setting aside time for just you and your partner, even when your schedule is busy

• being intentional about reassuring your partner and making it clear to them your heart towards them

• showing up to support their events and passions

• being willing to make adjustments and improve yourself

• having difficult conversations about expectations, love languages, conflicts, etc

And as you get to know your significant other more, as your relationship evolves, you'll get better at knowing what you need to be intentional about and what's most meaningful for your partner. But you have to come into it with a heart of selflessness and a willingness to learn.

You should be open to receive wisdom and advice about your relationship.

Another quality that is so important for you to have before you get into a relationship is to be able to receive wisdom and input from trusted people. We never know all there is to know about being in a godly relationship and being a loving partner, and it's so valuable to have people in your life that will pour into both of you and give you advice in every season of your relationship. Personally, I've been convicted of having an attitude of pride in the past and closing myself off to outside perspectives, and that can prevent so much growth if it's coming from the right people. It can be so beneficial to hear other people's stories and experiences and learn from them, and you never know the difference that can make in the way you communicate and love.

You should have an emotional maturity and ability to communicate.

Which leads me to my last point of being able to communicate. To be in a healthy, strong relationship, you have to be self aware enough to recognize and know your own feelings, and be able to explain to your person those feelings. There are countless times that you'll have disagreements and even fights, but those can be so productive if you're able to talk through it. This takes practice, but your relationship will be so much stronger and more intimate if you are intentional about learning how to communicate your thoughts, feelings, and needs.

So much of communication is also understanding what the other person is trying to explain to you. Remember, relationships aren't just about receiving, but giving as well, so you have to be intentional about listening to understand, not just listening to respond. Make an effort to hear where your partner is coming from and how you can love on them in that place, and that will make the biggest difference.

Every day, I am learning how to be the best girlfriend (and friend, and daughter, and sister) that I can be, and these are just a few of the things that the Lord has put on my heart in regards to filling that role of a girlfriend. It's so important to me that I am looking at myself first to be a supportive, loving partner, instead of criticizing and dragging my boyfriend down. I know I don't have it all together, but my heart is willing, and God is teaching me every day.

What have you learned are important qualities to have before getting in a relationship? Are there more aspects of relationships that you'd like to see blog posts about? Let me know down in the comments below!